Unanswered Prayers

I don't think I ever fully appreciated prayer until my mission.  I believed that Heavenly Father was listening and that He genuinely loved me and cared about me, but I never truly understood the sacred power of communicating with God.  As I look back at the experiences that I've had throughout my life, I realize that there's no way I'd be where I am today without that open direct channel between me and my loving Father in Heaven. However, just because I have a testimony of prayer, it doesn't mean that I still don't struggle and doubt like everyone else. 

About two weeks ago, I felt like my life was becoming too full and starting to fall apart.  The stresses of everyday life were compounded with reaching deadlines for band, spending money on a desperately needed new phone that never showed up, worrying about having enough money for school, deciding what my employment should look like in the fall, and juggling self care with getting all of this sorted out.  Life was hectic!  My roommates saw me change from a loving sweet person to a grumpy unenthusiastic kill joy.  Fortunately for me, they love me and were understanding, but it still didn't change the fact that I was miserable.  Last time I checked, being miserable sucks.  No one likes it - myself included. 

I was praying every morning and every night seeking for help in making decisions, finding peace, and getting my life together, but I didn't feel like I was receiving any answers or help.  I knew Heavenly Father was listening, but I was frustrated in the lack of response.  Growing up, I was taught about this frequently - that we're supposed to make our own decisions and then He'll answer us, but I didn't feel like that was happening either. 

Until last week.

When my phone didn't come, it ended up being the answer that I was looking for, but didn't necessarily want.  I received a refund on it and I'm pretty sure that it was Heavenly Father's way of telling me that I didn't need a new phone and that the money was more important for tuition.  When I thought band was getting overwhelming (with memorizing music and committee logistics), I realized I remembered more than I thought.  When it came to figuring out what I was going to do for work in the fall, one of my coworkers at New Haven mentioned that there was going to be an opening in the mornings soon and suggested that I talk to our lead supervisor about switching.  I did and now I'll make more money and have a more structured schedule with band, class, and work. 

After going through these ups and downs over the past two weeks, I learned that patience is just as important as trust in God.  There's no way that Heavenly Father would let me fail and I forgot that.  Everything that's supposed to happen, will happen in time. 

Prayer is how we communicate with God and we can never forget that.  The scriptures teach that "if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray, ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray" (2 Nephi 32:8).  Prayer is from God and anything that teaches otherwise is not. 

I'm so grateful that I have the knowledge that I'm a loved daughter of God who hears my prayers even though sometimes it may not feel like it.  Each of us need to remember this and our scary and uncertain lives can be filled with joy and peace. 

Living the Single Life: What is Love?

Once upon a time in a land far far away, there lived a beautiful princess and a handsome prince...

Every little girl grew up hearing these words right before she went to bed and then would dream of when she would finally meet her prince charming.  I remember dressing up as Cinderella or Belle or Aurora and pretending that my prince was coming. These stories taught us that true love is a whimsical perfect sensation that can happen at first sight and lasts forever.  As we grew older, we were introduced to chick flicks and rom coms that made us laugh, cry, become breathless, and feel like we were in the movie.  From Pride and Prejudice to How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and from Sleepless in Seattle to Hitch, we learn that love can happen anywhere with anyone under any circumstances.

Why, then, am I still sitting here almost 23 years later, having never been kissed, and haven't been on a date in months?

Newsflash: Love in the movies isn't all it's cracked up to be.

From firsthand experience, I can say that falling in love is hard and nearly impossible even though it seems like everyone around you is having no problems at all.  It's frustrating seeing people around you fall in love and leave you out on the sidelines to dry and pretend like you're in a relationship with pizza and ice cream.

One of my biggest dreams is to become a wife and mother.  It's difficult wanting something so badly and not be able to have it, so each day is a little harder and scarier thinking that it may not happen soon or even happen in this life.

Luckily for me and you, true love has been around longer than we have and can be found in our relationship with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  They love us more than we can know and want to help us in every aspect of our lives.  The Atonement of Jesus Christ was the greatest act of love that ever happened.  Christ suffered for each of us personally.  There really is no greater love than that. "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13).  Everyday that goes by, I find comfort that there is a loving Heavenly Father and older brother looking out for me.

True love isn't just roses and kisses and candlelit dinners.  It's feeling the warm embrace of the Spirit as you kneel down to pray and converse with your Heavenly Father.  It's looking at your roommates and feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the support they give you.  It's walking down the street on a warm summer day and smiling at those you pass.  True love is all around us and may not be as far far away as you may think.

Just for fun....Here's a video of love songs throughout the decades!